flashback 2009

today is 2nd of july 2011. i never really finished writing it at that time. might as well post it as i think no one will come across this blog of mine hehe.

---------------------------------------------

it's been a long time since i wrote something. i really can't wait to say goodbye to 2009, though i dread the coming year cos that would mean i'd have to go back to the hospital and go on duty again.



i went through this year in a flash. 2009 began with my heart being broken in calaruega. i went there being my optimistic self, hoping that the guy i liked would realize that he also like me, but no. i got my hopes up only to crash back down. the 3 day stay there was fun but i went home with a weeping heart. not to mention the frown i got from my friends cos i became bitchy in an instant.



the next month (February) well i was happy and nervous this month. i was getting over my crush and i was busy preparing/cramming for the revalida (have to pass the revalida in order for me to graduate from med school). this month was also my birthday! yey! i got a message from an old "flame". he asked how i was, and we messaged each other constantly since then.



March. early this month, this old "flame" asked for my number. i hesitated for a moment then thought 'oh what the heck' and so i gave him my number. we texted for a while and he asked if i'd meet up with him when i pass the revalida and i said yes, without hesitation this time. a week before my revalida (my revalida date was march 21) i told him that im extremely anxious, so he offered to accompany me in going to church. though we planned to meet up after revalida, i said yes to his offer. Sunday before revalida we went to St. Jude then went to Rob Ermita for an afternoon snack. Wednesday that same week he went with me to Starbucks, he sat there next to me watching cartoons on his laptop while i hurriedly scanned each page of my reviewer. day before revalida he went all the way to my house just to wish me luck. MARCH 21 i passed the revalida :D come the next day i was on duty at san lazaro. he was texting me the whole time, told me that he'll pick me up, i said he doesnt have to but he insisted cos he said he knows im probably tired the next day. he wasnt late in picking me up, drove me to my house, waited for an hour til i finished taking a bath and get ready. then we went to trinoma for late lunch. we just had lunch then decided that it was time for me to come home. while waiting in line for the exit, he exclaimed, telling me that he forgot to give me my present. he hurriedly went out of the car and opened the trunk. when he came back, he had a dozen red roses and wearing a wide smile. oh i dunno how i was going to react at the time, so i said,"ur going to give me a hard time explaining to my parents what are these for. oh look a card, i bet you haven't written anything on it." and so i opened that small card, which carried big words with it, it said,"not a single year passed by that you have been forgotten"



in a span of 2 months we got closer. we saw each other almost everyday, texting almost 24/7. i went to Davao (may 27) to attend jenny's wedding. when i got there he texted saying, "tapusin na natin ang kalokohang ito". i was alarmed, thinking he got tired of me already, i asked him what he meant. he told me to just enjoy davao and that we'll talk about it when i get back.



June 3 im not sure if we went out, he went to my house and there we sat outside talking about stuff. then he told me that he'll kiss me, i asked him where,(lol yes i was making pa-cute while im nervous), he said, "oh you know where" i told him i'll close my eyes and that i dunno how to kiss. i did close my eyes... for a moment lol... saw him looking sweet with his eyes closed...right then i fell in love with him more. when it was over i said, "why'd you kiss me? we're not even together" then we both laughed and agreed that the date for our anniv would be 4/5/09 (we both wanted a date that is easy to remember 4+5=9 lol, 9/9/9 is just too late) June 5 we went to Calaruega, guess that would be the happiest day of my life. though the weather wasnt fine, it was raining, i didnt get to show him the whole place, the time we spent in traffic going to and from tagaytay is priceless. he took me to his house, fell asleep on his bed (i was from duty at the time), got home late, got in trouble the next day cos my sister told my dad we didnt get to talk to each other cos i got home later than her (and my dad knew she was home by 11) and went back to the hospital before she woke up. looking back, though i got in trouble, given a chance to live that part of my life again, i'd still do it, though i would change some parts of it, like asking the person on duty to come earlier cos she has to accompany the patient to St. Luke's, or i could have picked another date, or not cos that would be the first and only time we celebrated our monthsary.



months passed we got closer and i got used to having a boyfriend. someone who will comfort me when other people are trying to bring me down. someone to watch movies with be it at the cinema or just at home. we have done a lot together, going to the doctor for consult, doing the grocery, visiting each others parents at the hospital (mom had tahbso while his dad got appendectomy). he got along well with my sisters, my parents (especially my dad, we even went to dinner with just my dad), my friends (he seems to have magic in dealing with people)

------------------------

2nd july 2011

and that's where i left off. i can't believe i didn't even bother finishing it, it's such a great story. i was thinking of finally finishing it but really i want to remember everything that way. well just to be considerate to people who may read this, he broke up with me end of october that same year. he said he just dont love me anymore. we did still see each other for a couple of times for about a year. i thought i could still save at least the friendship we had, but it seems like he doesnt, so i gave up.

currently he's in the US and i'm seeing/saw someone (well it's complicated...kinda in the long distance mode as of the moment). hope this works out *crosses finger...and toes*

timeline

it's been a long time since i last wrote something in this sort of journal of mine. it may be because of the busy life i've been living or a lack of interest to sit down and think over what has been happening in my life. i discovered something a few days ago, and perhaps i dont want to forget this portion of my life.



summer 2004

i didnt go to the province with my family, i told them i needed to study. but in reality, i just let the stalker part of me to be obsessed with someone who is obviously not interested in me. i was mending a broken heart when someone comes along and showed interest in me (i think he did like me) he said he wishes that someday i'd see him the way i see this guy who broke my heart.



and so we talked to each other most days of the week and i must admit i started to have feelings for him. i know a lot about his life and he knew a lot about mine. i see him as some guy who has a playful side but would be serious when he finally decides that it's possible that he's falling in love. i guess i wanted him to love me, for i knew that if he did, we will be living a simple and happy life.



i cant remember when he started calling me his love. he asked me what my opinion is on living in, i was shocked that he'd ask me about that. i told him i do not like the idea of living in and that it is important for me to get married.



he was sent to the US for a week or so, and the whole time he's there we'd email or chat with each other. he kept on telling me that i shouldnt worry too much and that he will be ok.



after a year or so, i started to become busy and so does he (or he was avoiding me or he's really busy, either way, we started to drift apart) conversations became shorter and shorter as days pass by.



one day, we just stopped communicating, or maybe it was just him who stopped. i remember there have been days i've been busy thinking what could have happened to him. i tried everything i could in order to contact him and to make sure that he is ok. i guess if someone doesnt want to be found, he wont be found.



after months of worrying, i finally gave up on my hopes that someday he'd be back. what happened crushed my heart. i think i almost loved him or maybe i already did.



last year i saw him go online on msn. we exchanged hi's and tried updating each other about the happenings in our lives. he admitted that he had relations, i said cool, and that that's what he's always wanted. he expected me to have a bf and so i lied and told him that we had just broken up. as usual our conversation didnt last long cos he's "BUSY"



this year i dont know what came to my mind, i went back to his music club's webpage. i checked out pictures and there i saw him. there were pics of him with a girl. and i didnt notice that in one he was not just standing behind her, he had his arm wrapped around her waist. great! he has a gf, and im single. i dunno what came to my mind, i googled his name. his face showed up. i went to the page where his pic was put up. there i saw the pic of the girl, her name written under it and she has his last name. i dont think a cousin would put his arm around his cousin's waist. know what i mean.



i was disappointed. disappointed cos we promised (or did i make him promise?) to tell me when he finds someone and i'll do the same. i was angry cos i felt it wasnt fair. i want him. i needed him. im afraid i also loved him...

imvu

:)

the dream

i dont usually dream. this one is so vivid. there was sonething out there to get me and my sister. we were back in our old house. we were lying on the floor of our old room, i heard it coming, she wouldnt listen to me. i heard her screaming. i did what i could do, i grabbed her, and hugged her tight. i felt it hug me and my sister. i was praying, i couldnt breathe. then i felt again that i was praying. i woke up. thank you God.

a :) story

i have a cute story :D

it was a boring day, she sat down in the gazebo waiting for her turn to practice her part in the play. someone passes around a jar with choco crinkles. everyone grabs one but this girl just sits there and smiles at everyone. the guy (B) who owns the jar went to her and offered the last one to her. a guy (let's name him A) says he wants one the same time the crinkle was offered to her. and so she said A can have it, coz she likes A :) B says he wants the girl to have a piece of the crinkle, so he suggested that they should just share the last piece.

a girl shares a piece of something with her crush, oh so cute... i think everyone who has a crush on somebody would want experience that he he

dark tower

long days and pleasant nights, ladies and gents(not sure though if there are males of the species reading my blog,if there is one it's probably j. the possibility is 0.001 in a million ha ha)

long days and pleasant nights? what the... got it from stephen king's "best selling" series entitled the dark tower. i think i will start using this line in greeting people. it may be weird, but when u think of it, it's got a nice meaning(come on say aye)

may 24, i finally finished the last book(book#7) in the said series. who would in their right mind read 7 books while they could have done other things during their summer break? i would. why? 1. i don't have money 2. i have nowhere to go since people are busy with whatever worthwhile things they wanna do(like looking for a job or going out of town to visit their cousins... and lots of other reasons) 3. my days seem short coz i follow a strict schedule which is wake-up, eat, exercise/read (depends on what i eat for breakfast), eat, read/exercise(that is if i didn't exercise in the morning), bath, eat, watch tv(encantadia,majika,iloveNY[yup it's baduy, pero funny. just scrap jennylyn's and mark's parts lol]) 4. i can't think of any other reason

ok back to dark tower, i got my first 4 books from booksale(thanks u booksale for selling 2ndhand/damaged/donated books, if not for u i would be more broke as of the moment). ok so i started readin book 1 in early april. the rate of finishing a book is kinda slow coz i have other things to do like dance practice. may came, so no more practice, that's when my progress speeded up. that's also the time when i finished the 4 books i already have, can't find the 3 remaining books from booksale so i had to cough up some cash and buy new copy of the last 3. yeah i had the option not to buy the expensive new copy, kaso bitin, so there i bought the books and drowned myself in the story of roland and his gang/ka-tet.

[this is the second time i will be typing this, it sucks] DT is like timeline. the concept is almost the same, having different worlds. in DT we have different worlds which are almost the same but have little differences(i drink nozz-a-la and drive a takuro spirit), you can go to diff worlds by going through a door or going todash(read as toedash). in timeline, our world splits every second so we have millions of frames of our lives. we can go back to these frames by using a time machine which splits you up into atoms and puts you back together when you arrive at the frame of your choice. DT is like the long version(extremely long version) of SK's short story entitled That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is in French. This story is SK's idea of hell, wherein you have to keep on repeating your whole life until you get right all the wrong things you have done.

...todash chimes...

in the talisman, i cried when wolf died. dark tower, i did cry. lots of tears were shed when their ka-tet started falling apart. im not going to say how they fell apart just in case sheena is reading this entry. i had to lock my door because i don't want anyone to walk-in on me and see that i was crying like some woman from the loony bin lol.

...todash chimes...

if there's one thing i regret, it would be not reading the books of SK that i have before starting with dark tower. it's not that i got confused when characters from another book suddenly show up, it's just that i wish i knew the story behind them before seeing them in dark tower. characters i recognized are: randall flagg(the stand), dink(everything's eventual), stuttering bill(it.but in dartk tower, he's a robot), clown/dandelo(it), ted brautigan(hearts in atlantis) i believe there are other characters that i should be including here but i can't remember them.

...todash chimes...

i remember sheena telling me that sai stephen king is fond of showing up in movies which are based on his books. he started in movies and now he even includes himself in his books he he he. him being included in the story makes sense actually, i dunno how to explain it, just read the story and u will know what i mean.

...todash chimes...

my fave among the 7 books is wizard and glass. it's the love story bla bla type. a very tragic story, which has an ending like that of the fanfics i used to read. i fell in love with roland deschain like i fell in love with jack in the talisman(oo pidopilya ha ha ha). i dunno how stephen king do it, but he gives me a very good-looking picture of jack, roland and jake. in my minds eye, they all look innocent and resembles(a bit) our(or maybe it was just me and sheena) ultimate crush, froshty(ang batang hindi ko ma-explain basta prettyboy)

...todash chimes...

book 5, wolves of the calla, is the one book that was finished in the speed of light. i read it for only 3 days, took me 3 days coz one of these 3 days was spent outside the house. i only read while in the car or when i got home.

...todash chimes...

woah... i'd say this is the longest post i've done in a whole year. i didn't have the urge to write something until now. not that i have a lot of things to do, i just have a lot things on my mind and i dunno how to write them all here. i hope this coming school year will be better(i hope a lot better) for me and to all the medstudents who decided to take the challenge of medicine proper.

...todash chimes...
what the heck are todash chimes? they're what you're supposed to hear when you go to a different world through a dream, but not really a dream because you are really in that world but people don't see you.

life is a trick, love a glammer- susannah dean/odetta holmes/detta walker/mia, dark tower

summertime

since the start of summer, i have always wanted to write something but i was always putting it off. so here i am writing (probably just list down things that happened)

been busy helping my cousin with her 18th birthday. oh it's more like my sister and i are the ones preparing things, and my aunt will be financing it. we actually have a dance number for her birthday. it's a mix of social dance(chachacha,swing,tango) and pop dance. 1st month of summer vacation was spent practicing the said dance number. it was fun and tiring and food is overflowing most of the time lol, so the calories you burned will recovered plus interest hahaha.

my cousin enyek has been in and out of the hospital. to total the number of days he stayed there, it must be two weeks or more. he had an appendectomy. bad thing was on the day his stomach started aching, his siblings' stomachs are also aching so my aunt thought they are all having a stomach upset. when they went home my other cousin also had the same thing. they all had the same symptoms so everyone thought it'll just pass. after few days they finally decided to bring him to the hospital, on the same day they did the operation. it went smoothly. so after a week he went home then he's back again coz of infection and there are adhesions. what they did was took all of his intestines out and got rid of all the adhesions. he's recovering and he's got this huge line across his belly

ayayay

update on my medlife... i'm so tired... but having a perfect score in neuro prax and a biochem exam is sort of uplifting my spirit... a little... i'm dreading the day that we will be having the oh so awaited grand final exam... from start to end haaay... how am i going to put all those info into my head... i'm more scared of grand finals for neuro, a didn't understand a single thing in that lovable subject... makes me want to uhm destroy all those brodmann's areas ha ha ha... i actually enjoyed memorizing the BA and all the gyri and sulci...makes me feel proud actually... most hated part is the pathways... how in the world did they come up with all those pathways? now i'm stuck in trying to understand all of it

had a major fight with mathias, made me really sad for days... but everything's ok now... i feel stupid... coz uhm i just feel like i am... always following forgive and forget rule...kainis

whew...shifting exams are finished

wow...now i have the right to be a bum... although most of the time i do nothing when i should be studying... so how did the tests go? so far so good, i think... i got a passing grade in neuro which is a miracle coz stupid cellphone fell out of the bed, coughed out it's battery...so alarm didn't work... woke up around 2 in the morning and had to force all the info on motor systems inside my head...it was hard, not to mention i have to study also the topics covered in the previous exam... physio, passed it too... biochem, at last i'm getting the hang of it... histo? bleh... i think i did bad in it... ana, i dunno, have no idea but i thing i passed it too...

these past few weeks have been crazy...lol... met this people online... there's this gal who's so talkative that u won't even notice that she's already sleepy and needs to sleep... she's few years older than me... that is if 6 years is few for you, but she acts like she's few years younger than me... love talking to her(i wonder if she's reading this) then there's this guy who's obsessed with mutya lol and he's really serious in learning tagalog... i am his dictionary/translator... and then person i have been talking to for years...uhm about 2 years... minimum 3 days a week... been a part of me(corny lol)... hi pauli, jamie and mathias... love talking to you... see ya hehehe we should plan to meet up... hmmm maybe 10 years from now, by then i'd be earning my own money lol

christmas break

christmas break yeah!!! i think i'm going to have a good time during the break. i finally made up for the points i lack in biochem... i finally passed an exam in neuro... however, my last exams were crappy lol... just got a passing grade in prevmed and in histo, but the rest is ok, i think

is this christmas going to be a cold one?... mmm i don't think so lol...

something's bugging my mind... which ball is positioned lower, the left or right?... better ask him for verification hahaha

jose

birthday ni jose ngayon

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSE!
sana nababasa nya no...hehehe

sembreak

yey! 1 semester done, 7 more to go...i wonder if the number will stay at 7 hahaha...

on the last day of exam week, i ended up in the wrong room...it's not my fault actually, i saw my groupmate where we'll take the exam in grossana, she said,"205". so i sat next to her and waited til it's 10...we went inside the room and saw some of my classmates(around 5 of them) i saved 2 seat for jen and chris...there were also second year students there, i got the idea that maybe it's like in psych wherein there were students of different year levels in 1 room... then 2nd year students started flooding in, i asked them if they're sure that that is our room... we went out...jen and chris saw me and shouted that exam is in neuro ana lab... blah blah end of story

i have this classmate who's preggy...she's due this week and i asked her if she's scared that she might not be able to take the exams...of course she's supposed to be scared, she's going to give birth for the first time(i think you ought to be scared everytime you give birth)..ok back to my classmate... due to our mistake in the morning, i didn't notice that my preggy classmate wasn't there...it turned out that the baby couldn't take another test haha... so the baby decided to do something else instead...her waterbag broke in the morning and i think by now she's a full-pledged mommy...cute cute...so i guess i won't be seeing her in ek on monday

lessons learned this sem:

• you can't push everything in your head overnight...
• pressing alt + tab key will show you a pop-up window with thumbnails of windows that are open, and their titles of course

words learned:

• svelte-fashionably sexy
• ravage- either to rape or destroy...using it in a sentence:i'll ravage you haha
• dilatation - meron pala talagang word na ganito...same with dilation, only difference is, here, the diameter is increased beyond normal

kung si may ay may nagbigay ng ice cream...ako, nililink sa mga taong d ko naman trip...1st ay si potassium ni may...kasalanan ko ba na ka-block ko sya at ako lng ang kumakausap sa kanya kapag magkakasama kami? eh tahimik sya, ayoko naman na may na-oop kaya kinakausap ko...tama namn un d ba? 2nd ay si james...may hidden desire daw ako kay james...ampucha naman wala akong ginagawa kay james ha...hahaha...

thank you sa mga taong nakinig sa mga kabaliwan ko...d nga ako sure kung mababasa nila ito...si sheena saka may lng yata pumupunta dito...

love love love...ito ay strange...hindi ko pa pala nafeel to(maliban sa love na for friends and family)...ung nafeel ko dati, lust lang un hahaha...hindi, more like admiration...eh pano ko malalaman kung in love na ko? oh well, bahala na si batman...

kala ko dati kapag online friend, hindi sineseryoso... parang wala lng chat chat lang...i found 3 valuable online friends...1 who is not always there...another 1 who's always there, but only manages to keep me smiling...and another one who gives me different perspective of things...

i miss the one who's not always there...even if i get to talk to him for maybe 3 times a month...at least he managed to stop me from doing a stupid thing, and explained to me the realities in life...i promised him that i'll invite him on my wedding day lol...

the one who's always there is the type of person who could brighten your day...hindi namn bolero...but still he manages to make me smile...and he makes me feel so powerful...andali kasi utuin hahaha

i gotta thank the 3rd person in the list of my valuable online friends...she's very open-minded and fun to talk to...we share the same goal :)...but i think she'll accomplish it first hehe...plus she's sending me a pair of havaianas hehehe...kaso nahihiya ako magsani kung alin ung gusto ko

med pics

groupmates in grossana



same people...in biochem



oi miss ko na 'to...hehehe



instant anak hahaha

haaaay

ok first entry bout med school. i'm now used to very long lectures, meron pa mga back to back lectures, sitting there listening to doctors blab about carbs and lipids. oh and everyday, i study for my classes the next day, if this was my style in undergrad, i would have gotten an award during graduation.

so who are the people i sit with and have lunch with? syempre ung mga taga-la salle. they turned out ok to be with. very responsible and are concerned with the people they are with, so they always remind me what i have to do, bawas aalalahanin.

my classmates are fine. there's a guy (or should i say gay) named allison and a girl named aronn. weird d ba? masaya naman sila. most of my groupmates graduated from ust, kwela naman sila at d masyado seryoso sa mga ginagawa kaya d sila boring kasama.

bagsak ako sa 2 exams, but i failed with style so mejo ok lng. pero pag naiisip ko, parang gusto ko mag-quit. sabi ko sa friend ko mag-aasawa n lng ako, sabi niya kung siya yung guy, pipilitin pa rin daw niya ko mag-aral. hahaha sarap kutusan, gusto ko nga tumakas sa pag-aaral kaya mag-aasawa n lng e.

kamuka ni major bulk ung model ng freego, d ako sure kung kamuka niya basta sa tingin ko kamuka niya un. meron na poster nun sa nlex, at tatay ko pa ang nagpaalala sa akin na tignan ko raw un. kulet no

meron akong stalker or baka feeling ko lng may stalker ako
si frosh ay namimiss ko na.... namimiss ko kayong lahat! labas naman tayo

yun lng muna,dami pa kase dapat basahin at manonood pa ko ng full house

grad pics

i'm not in the mood to write anything because all my brain cells were used up this week, i guess they're on strike

too bad raisa already left





with lou antonina (she'd kill me for calling her antonina hehehe)



mommy and daddy with sheena's parents

so that's it. i'm a bit tired, so i'll be sleeping for the next 3 hours